Mere months before I met Jay, my friend told me about the ending to his first love relationship. I had never been in love, and I told Andy that it sounded so painful I was certain that I never wanted to be.
“Oh, but it was worth it,” was his response.
Little did I know I was about to fall so head over heels in love with a man that I would break just about every moral conviction I had thus far accumulated in my twenty four years on the planet, not the least of which included adultery, crime, and the attendant lying that comes with these.
Despite his already full life of wife, kids, cover career and real business, Jay and I spent one full year living as together as we possibly could. And then, one day, seemingly out of nowhere, it all came crashing down and I never saw him again. The effect this had on me was so devastating I wrote in my book that my life had been altered forever, and that I would never again trust what is referred to as ‘romantic love.’
Decades have since gone by, and in the intervening years I have come to understand that lovers and children are pieces of our soul, meeting us on the plane of our earthly existence to help us learn the lessons, or heal the wounds, we most need to transcend. I have learned that when something touches our soul, it is because it is important to us in ways we may not be able to understand, let alone articulate. I am a writer, and yet I have never been able to express that experience other than in brief sentences.
And then, two months ago, in the middle of a therapeutic massage, I encountered a song that spoke directly to that experience. I have renamed it “Song for Jay.”
Song for Jay- Powerful but also painful